I can’t believe it’s already August tenth. The last five months have been weird and rather blurry. This isn’t a bad thing but I’ve found myself with the time I so cherish which has allowed me to maul it all over. Now three weeks post the EJ breakup, I can clearly see how everything about that relationship wasn’t right for me. There wasn’t a single thing about his life that would slot together with mine in a logical way. I so badly wanted it all to work, for him to be the end all, be all of it. But he simply wasn’t. Far too different on many levels.
It’s disappointing but it’s also an incredible relief. Better sooner than later. There was one quote floating through my head for a couple of weeks leading up to the end:
“You can’t go forcing something if it’s just not right.”
I was forcing myself to go out of my way to see him. It was a chore at points. I wasn’t ready for such a relationship, let alone it being rushed along before it should’ve been. So much of the important milestones almost felt forced or I was left feeling incredibly awkward. I so badly wanted this to work. I wanted to truly be as happy as all of it was supposed to be making me. I did a pretty damn good job of convincing myself that I really was happy.
The other quote that was running through my head towards the ends was:
“There will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.”
It would’ve been easier to keep convincing myself that I really was happy and that I was going to have this magical life with him. It would’ve been easier because I wouldn’t have to hurt anybody and create conflict. It would’ve been easier because he would’ve began to think for me and I would become complacent. I don’t want that kind of life again. I want to be challenged. I want to be excited. I want to feel the passion and struggle so the success/win feels that much better. It would’ve been easy to just carry on and create a routine I could settle into.
But that wasn’t right.
Lesson learned. Message received.
I’ve been reevaluating what I’m looking for in a partner and have ended up simplifying it and discovering somethings have been in front of me all along. Somehow, that’s terrify but also very exciting and a huge relief.
Life definitely has a funny way of helping us out when we least expect it.